Ladies & Gentlemen, Set Your Boundaries For Tolerance
Tony Robbins has said many times, you get what you tolerate. And if you tolerate what you ideally don't want, then you'll slowly harbour more and more frustration, anger, resentment, and ultimately hate.
Setting up boundaries doesn't mean that you have metaphorical walls built all around you. But it DOES mean that you....
Keep a distance from certain people / circumstances
Mind your own business
Speak up when you need to
Don't tolerate sh*t that's unnecessary
Continuously be awesome
I've been in situations where someone takes your kindness for naiveness, and it doesn't end up exactly how they pictured.
There is NOTHING wrong with being nice. But there is EVERYTHING wrong with being too nice and letting people walk all over you.
I've dealt with this before. I've made the mistake of being too nice and too accommodating, to a point where I didn't get the hours I wanted at work, or didn't get the exact outcome for a group project in school, and it even affected my intimate relationship at the time.
How many times have you been in a work situation where someone does something to your hours without notifying you? Or puts you in an assignment that you clearly said you did
Has there been a time where your partner has said something that you didn't like? Or done something? Then you didn't know how to go about it? The boundaries weren't set.
Are you known as the person who doesn't like to say much? Or maybe stay on everyones good side?
What Can One Do To Set Personal Boundaries?
Know What Your Limits Are - One can't go about setting boundaries when it's not known WHAT those boundaries actually are!
It's time to think about what you stand for, and what you will tolerate. Are there things that cause some uneasy emotions to rise up? Think about what these might be, and go about writing some of these down if you have to.
Be Direct With People Around You - This one is a tough one, and I totally get it. But I guarantee you this. The MOMENT you are direct, especially if you are known as someone who isn't, then you will throw people off and they will ultimately act different around you. This isn't a bad thing, because in a way you are demanding respect for yourself. Being direct isn't mean, it's necessary.
Keep Your Distance - With certain people AND situations, you don't even have to be direct. You can just keep your distance and avoid it all together.
I don't know about you, but I feel like my mood might temporarily get affected if I'm around people too much that cause drama. Why am I going to consciously be apart of that? Makes no sense, right? Just because you are AROUND them (maybe because of work), doesn't mean you have to be WITH them mentally, see what I mean?
Allow Yourself To Do This - Many times some people tend to feel bad for the actions they take. They might feel like it's going to cause hurt, and harm to the people around them.
I think this will hold true to you...
People, for the most part, don't care about you caring.
If you are too nice, and haven't set boundaries, the people you are trying to set boundaries with don't know that, and they don't care to know that. They aren't even thinking about that.
So instead, I want you to think about what's best for you. Don't rely on others for this important aspect.
Start Small & Ask For Help - There is nothing wrong with asking for help when need be. Chances are, other people have gone through this as well and have struggled a bit.
There are people in your immediate circle that know what this feels like, and will most likely help (unless you are just around mean people all the time).
So there you have, 5 different strategies you can implement today in order for you to set your boundaries, and be a little closer to achieve the outcomes that you want in your work/day to day.
If there's something you struggle with, let me know in the comments below and I'd be happy to help!
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Happy boundary building!